The Discovery

If you recall, I stated in my last entry, "I will Blog soon, barring a natural disaster, a surprise baby on the way, or some other unforeseen event." Well, a tsunami, a set of twins on the way, and a broken computer is enough to set anyone back a few months. For those of you who have viewed the URL on my profile, I must confess that the LIFE IS FUNNY website is not my own; I am not Mr. K. The website belongs to a friend who seems to nail the tribulations of life on the toe and I enjoy reading the articles on occasion. I always was and will always remain, Billy Joe Berlin Ito. Sorry to disappoint you, Anonymous.

Anyway, back to the never-ending drama that is my life. Today, I made a discovery that no parent should ever have to make. It all started when Waldo (my son for those who so easily forget) woke up this morning complaining of a headache. He gets migraines on occasion and we find the best therapy for it is a generous amount of cocoa butter rubbed on his earlobes. (I am not saying this remedy will work for everyone, but it works great for my boy.) So I go into his bathroom to get the cocoa butter, open the cabinet, push aside the medicated shampoo, only to find a pornographic magazine staring at me. Now, any father stumbling upon his son’s pornographic magazine stash is thrust into an awkward predicament, especially if the boy is seven years old. I remember how awkward it was when my father found my Playboy collection a couple of years ago. But I was 35… Waldo is seven! It took a few seconds for the shock to wear off before I realized that it was a pornographic magazine targeted to women. This realization sent my body into a second state of shock—thankfully I was next to the toilet. The ultimate question surfaced around the same instant my breakfast did… “What do I do now?” Do I show my lovely and pregnant wife, Ms Ito-Tallon? Do I remove the magazine without telling Waldo? Do I replace the magazine with another pornographic magazine directed at straight men? Do I confront Waldo about the dilemma?

The really crazy part of it is that I cannot for the life of me figure out what Waldo is doing with the magazine. Sure all my loyal readers will have an opinion, but Waldo suffers from cryptorchidism, a condition in which his testicles never descended. Well, I ended up putting the magazine back while I ponder my options and the best course of action. I rubbed the cocoa butter on his earlobes as if nothing had happened and shipped him off to school. If anyone has any suggestions about what I should do, please tell!

Anyway, I am off to work. Hopefully I will Blog soon and inform everyone of the good news regarding Ms Ito-Tallon and the baby.