The Discovery
If you recall, I stated in my last entry, "I will Blog soon, barring a natural disaster, a surprise baby on the way, or some other unforeseen event." Well, a tsunami, a set of twins on the way, and a broken computer is enough to set anyone back a few months. For those of you who have viewed the URL on my profile, I must confess that the LIFE IS FUNNY website is not my own; I am not Mr. K. The website belongs to a friend who seems to nail the tribulations of life on the toe and I enjoy reading the articles on occasion. I always was and will always remain, Billy Joe Berlin Ito. Sorry to disappoint you, Anonymous.
Anyway, back to the never-ending drama that is my life. Today, I made a discovery that no parent should ever have to make. It all started when Waldo (my son for those who so easily forget) woke up this morning complaining of a headache. He gets migraines on occasion and we find the best therapy for it is a generous amount of cocoa butter rubbed on his earlobes. (I am not saying this remedy will work for everyone, but it works great for my boy.) So I go into his bathroom to get the cocoa butter, open the cabinet, push aside the medicated shampoo, only to find a pornographic magazine staring at me. Now, any father stumbling upon his son’s pornographic magazine stash is thrust into an awkward predicament, especially if the boy is seven years old. I remember how awkward it was when my father found my Playboy collection a couple of years ago. But I was 35… Waldo is seven! It took a few seconds for the shock to wear off before I realized that it was a pornographic magazine targeted to women. This realization sent my body into a second state of shock—thankfully I was next to the toilet. The ultimate question surfaced around the same instant my breakfast did… “What do I do now?” Do I show my lovely and pregnant wife, Ms Ito-Tallon? Do I remove the magazine without telling Waldo? Do I replace the magazine with another pornographic magazine directed at straight men? Do I confront Waldo about the dilemma?
The really crazy part of it is that I cannot for the life of me figure out what Waldo is doing with the magazine. Sure all my loyal readers will have an opinion, but Waldo suffers from cryptorchidism, a condition in which his testicles never descended. Well, I ended up putting the magazine back while I ponder my options and the best course of action. I rubbed the cocoa butter on his earlobes as if nothing had happened and shipped him off to school. If anyone has any suggestions about what I should do, please tell!
Anyway, I am off to work. Hopefully I will Blog soon and inform everyone of the good news regarding Ms Ito-Tallon and the baby.
posted by Billy Joe at 11:12 PM
3 Comments:
Billy Joe,
Thank you for visiting. You certainly have an interesting dilemma facing you.
As I am not a parent, this opinion will probably be invalid. But, if your son is curious about sex at seven, I suggest you talk to him.
Seven-year-olds are immensely curious children. Everything is new and they are learning very quickly. During this time in life Psychologists suggest that they are beginning to draw connections between the world outside their bodies to their bodies.
He has likely been isolated from the world to an extent because of his many physical obstacles. You are obviously a loving father and a devoted parent.
Could it be that the magazine was in the possession of a worldlier classmate who needed a place to hide his "stash" and found your son as a likely "safe haven?"
It might be a little quick to jump to any conclusions about Waldo's curiosity. It could be quite innocent. It could be he is afraid of what he's seen and has no way of bringing it out into the open.
He may have many questions and it seems to me...just an opinion, of course...that it would be a lot better to get the facts from his father than a watered-down or hyped-up version of reality from his "friends."
Just a thought or two...
P.S. Congratulations on the growing family. Twins! That is quite spectacular. :)
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